I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
