i can't believe i had my finger in that
My cat gives me a boner
someone owes me an orgasm
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
