VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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