You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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