i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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