I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
