Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
