remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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