i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
