I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
