i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
