I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
