Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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