I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
