what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
