I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
