Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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