u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
