just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
