So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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