Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
