Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
