I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
