apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
