I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
