I love black thongs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
