What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
