i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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