I am in a vortex of obligation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
