Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just gift wrapped bread.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
