"it" just moved
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
