Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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