So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
