I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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