Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
