I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
