just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
