...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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