she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
