Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
