Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
