i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
