you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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