i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
