I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
