some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
