WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
