I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
