Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
