I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
