Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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